I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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