I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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