Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
