And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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