1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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