Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
