You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
