This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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