Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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