I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
