Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
