he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
