He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
