yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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