stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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