i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
