i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
