Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
