hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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