Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
