How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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