I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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