Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
