so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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