I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
