2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
