Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
