I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
