i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
