Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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