Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
