Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
