And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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