shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
