so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
