I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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