I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
