I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
