I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
