I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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