i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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