so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
