you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
