we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
cat food counts as protein by the way
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
