I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
