dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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