I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
