i may or may not be watching the land before time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
