It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
people are starting to question the shark bite story
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
