Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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