Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
