Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I understand Curling. That high.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
