"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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