He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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