Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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