I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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