I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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