I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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