I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
