Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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