Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
