How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
