I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize