i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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