Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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