I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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